crying baby

i feel bad today.extremely bad.
it's raining now. i juz came bac from taylors. feeling very very tired,i shouldn't sit in front of my laptop n start blogging. i shouldn't waste my time now,but i do.. im supposed to rush to angel's house n complete the essay which should b handed in by tomorrow. im supposed to take my bath n mayb get a nap so that i can do everythings well later but i din.

instead of all these,im sitting here n blogging. i just wan a short break. a short break which can recharge my energy. give me a little bit of time to emo.

i wanna cry. i hope i can cry like a baby today. without a care of this world. but i don wanna expose my crying to the people around me. i don wan their sympathy. the temporary-insincere-deliberate compassions. i don wan them to worry about me. but i hope i can CRY..

i know that life is full of challenges. this world is competitive. life is full of obstacles. people are selfish and kiashu. i know that life will not b as smooth as v expect. i know that i need to b strong. i know, i reali know.. but,say is better than do.

at the time i made up my decision to study acturial science, my mum tried to discourage me. knowing that this is a tough course,she kept advising me to consider carefully. however, my obstinancy had set my mind there. i decided to choose this course though i know it's hard. cause i wanna try. i wannna challenge it.

cause i know that in life, challenges is the path that we cant avoid to cross if we wanna attain the maximum achievements. well, it is just a starting point now but i have become so down, so desperate. i don even started my actuarial science.. now is just the basic knowledge.. sigh..

knowing that my foundation is not that good as others,i always push myself to study more than others,to be more diligent than others. cause i know my weakness.

however,god is cruel sometime. no matter how many efforts u hav put it,it still remain the same. back to the square.. mayb i was born to b there. i was set to b there..