scholars -.-

i'v been fully used all the time today. waking up at 5am, taking breakfast, (i made my own breakfast today, simple + nice), doing 4 hours SAT test in the middle of the swimming pool,yet under the hot sun (there is a table there), fed up with the excruciating and unbearable hot sun, peng n i ended up doing the SAT test in the air-con provided study room. around 12pm, we went back to our units and took a respite, grab a bite for our lunch. i did take a short nap this noon, half an hour. 3pm,we went to the study room again. studying there,chatting there until 930pm. i finished taking my shower at 1030pm, n started to check my mail box(the mundane daily routine, expecting some special mail from some special person but still,ended up with despairing). well,blogging time now^^

feeling rather upset today,not because of academic stuffs but....others.

is it a sin for being a diligent student? lecturer might dislike you because of yr diligence,they are compelled to do more extra works? friends might abhor you, because of your diligence,they feel stressed and under duress when being with you?

i got no ideas. i juz wan a simple life,well, not a simple life actually, hmm, a simple relationship with other people but a wonderful life for own. how to describe a simple relationship?

yeah,i agree that im not so intimate with many friends,however,i befriend with many people. though we juz know each other superficially,we are still considered as friends. we need a lot of friends,friends in all walks of life.

well,not going to spend a lot of times in blogging today,i plan to complete my calculus revision tonight,perhaps complete my personal statement too.

hmm,i always have the thought that there are no 'bad' people in this world. everyone is juz so nice and friendly. everyone is generous and altruism. however,life is convoluted and things like these would never exist. (sob)

today,people tend to compete with each others. i acknowledge that im one of them but i think i'v been doing well recently since i keep telling myself the biggest and strongest adversary in this life is ME, myself. and i think i live happily now than the first day i came to taylors.

know wat, i thought that no one care bout my affairs. no one will ask and concern bout my things in taylors, especially in the respect of academic. today,it dawned on me that it's not. im in the spot light!should i be elated? sigh~~

people is asking bout my SAT marks. people will like to compare. like to compare the marks between diligent people and flippant people. they wanna to know how well did i do, did i improve. and mayb some of them will deride me behind my back. (im trying to suppress my mind to think negatively but it is in vain). i was disappointed and agonizing.

i tot people are concerning me,therefore they approach me n ask bout my marks. i tot they might like to give me some guidance how to study so that i can get improvement. mayb someone can give me some tips to study smart. i dunno.

sigh. yeah, they might b thinking that.. 'well,she studied so hard but her mark still haven't reached the cut off point; unlike us, i din study much, but ....bla bla bla..'

it is a truth, n people hav the right to say it, to air their opinions. i got no dicree to stymie them from doing so. but we are friends, in lieu of saying this disheartening statements, cant u all juz give me support?

im not smart enough,im aware of that. that is the reason i compel myself to study diligently. that's all. i doesn't meant to show off in front of you all that im hardworking and trying to beat you all. this is not my intention, n i don wan to.

mayb.. mayb she is right. SCHOLARS. because we are scholars, these things exist.