100 bucket lists

going to rewrite my 100 bucket lists..

keeping to my pace..

and working on my goals..

during this sem break..

make the changes..

create a wonderful life for myself..

Weekends^^

hooray, my weekend should b like this, enjoying with friends, hanging out wif friends, chatting with old buddies.. it had been an ages i din really enjoy my weekend so much..

thanks much to my old buddies.. treat me such a good+high-classed breakfast, lol.. it's superb nice.. Dragon-i restaurant rocks!!

damn miss the volleyball teammates.. the time v spent together was so wonderful.. time tat was out of academic stuffs, time tat was really having FUN.. time with sweating, scaring, and nervousing.. love you guys, my volleyball friends^^

but, i hate to walk around in KL. thanks to the idiotic bus driver on friday.. he bluffed us and dropped us at the anonymous roadside.. v got no ideas where to go and how to go bac to subang.. the only way to do is keep walking.. at least v try to find out, instead of standing still there..

imagine the feeling of walking at the side of mainroad.. it's so scary and dangerous.. amidst in the speeding car and the annoying hons..

thank god, v arrived at the AMCORP mall, and ended up with buying many books at the book fair there. In the bookfair, u could hardly find a rm20 book.. every book is rm8 to rm15.. wat a 'reasonable' price is tat.. well, i did not buy many books actually cause i couldn't find the book tat i'v been looking for..

imagine experiencing the feeling of lost twice in a day.. it's so insecure. but wat 2 do..  the only way i can do is pressing numbers and asked for directions, not picking me up.. i'v my own transport; my leg.. feeling compassion to my leg, it had been walking too much these few days..

lost in petaling jaya, lost in ss14 at 9pm.. the surrounding is so dark and silent..

seriously, i x like kl.. i x like the transport here.. i'v to walk all the time -.-

vacation commenced, toefl coming soon, no more SAT in my life, but somehow, i feel tat my life is getting more hectic than b4...

really tired..

before final

waiting for the coming calculus test which starts at 2pm soon..
feeling helpless..
got no ideas what to do but wait for the time..
feeling guilty for not putting much efforts at the eleventh minutes of the calculus test..
but, i'v gone through almost all the questions, should b alright, right? hoped so..

after this test, i hav to reconsider my direction and amend my new resolutions and goals..

1+4?? said no to it!!

face it!

today is not a good day. though i tot it should b..
last day of ADP life.. ended with sth bad.
feeling remorseful, sad..
i shouldn't do tat, y cant i face my shortcomings?
FACE it, OVERCOME it, LEARN it!
it's the process of life..

enjoy the life, enjoy the process.
follow yr pace, don rush.
everything will get well....

there are many thing bsides study.
academic is not everything.
i know i'v to face it.

dare to make mistakes, encounter it, challenge it..

i know i can do tat.
be confident....

everything will be fine, soon.

YES 2009!!

what what can i say here? AMAZING!! AWESOME!! this conference is super nice, and youth should not miss it. such a golden opportunity to engage 3000 youth in a hall and listen to the speech given by the global icons. Never in my wildest imagination did i expect that i will have a chance to take picture with all these famous and awesome people. it's fantastic. im so carried away by the two-days conference that i found hard to concentrate today. i missed them, the volunteers, the friends there, the global icons, the scene there. thank you so much to aiesec for giving me this chance to attend such a wonderful conference. YES 2009!! alas, YES 2010 might hold in Indonesia, not Malaysia.... back to the conference, in these 2 days, i'v learnt a lot a lot. i knew how to take transport to putrajaya, i knew to come bac to casa subang alone. i'v learnt a lot of things. it's juz so cool!! as a youth, we should try to voice out our thought, don afraid! dare to make mistakes, dare to dream and achieve the goal. i fail now, but i will succeed next. the time when u succeed, nobody will care bout how many failures u'v undergone, they juz know tat u r successful now!! through this conference, it also makes me think about my 1+4 plan to States. yeah, i might not b doing well in Taylors, i might not achieve CGPA 3.5, i might not qualify to fly next yr. but it's ok, it will b fine to me,cause i start to love this place, love this place so much. there r many conference and things for me to learn here. im sure that even though i cannot fly to States next yr, i wil b doing better if i do 2+3. n i will learn more here b4 i start to learn new things there. god will bless me and lead me to the road that suits me. mayb im not ready yet. now only i realise tat i still hav a lot to learn b4 i step into States. just face it! do whatever i can do now, try my best n don regret, cause the road of success is full of failures and challenges.

go ahead,weiling!! fight on!!!

btw,im really very very happy that i can take picture with this 2 guys. yet,it's individual, wow!! finally, i get to know who are they. they are TENORS UNLIMITED. search more about them in youtube, im sure u will love them as me^^

it had been an ages i din visit my blog. not dare to spare a few minutes to blogging as well.

thanks god, SAT 1 and SAT 2 had come to the end. my journey to fight for this half of the year is heading to the end. it was a tiring journey. i feel tat i was like a zombie for the previous month, with no regular meal n inadequate sleep.

i acknowledged that im not the only one who suffer during this few months, so were others. but, im the one who complained a lot. feel so bad about that. compared to others, i should be much more relieved than them. i din take many subjects in ADP. for what i need to focus on is calculus,english 101 and SAT,TOEFL as well. but y m i complaining so many while others who just remained quiet and get their work done?

perhaps im not good in coping all these. but i have to be good in that.

************************

i din do well in my SAT 2.. chinese,math,physics..all suck. mayb i had been putting too much focus on physics which i should not be doing so. watever. i was just too sleepy to complete the test on that day. in a sense, i was actually wasting money. but... anyway, watever it is, im going to retake the physics. physics is amazing, challenging!! and i love it. im going to hit 800 in physics, hope so^^

***********************

there are too many genius and smart people around me. everyone is better than me in every respect. i feel like im getting smaller and smaller. anyway,wat can i do now, is trying my best to do well and hoping all the best to them. cause i will be proud of them if they are one of the smarty in the world. lol

i love IPOH!

it's always good to be in ipoh, such a good place to live, at least better than kl..
due of lack of sleep,my mood was fluctuate these few days. i feel very very tired, but im not dared to close my eyes cause.... SAT 2 is coming soon..
sigh.
when can i take a whole day rest?? i need a REST!!!

enjoying in SUMMIT

i had come to subang for 2 months. and yesterday was the first day i was having fun. watching movie and playing games in SUMMIT. though it was somewhat time-wasting to hang out during this critical period since SAT test is coming soon, but it is worthwhile. thank you so much for my friends.

though the movie not tat nice, thanks much to you fool for choosing that movie, ha. but i did enjoy yesterday.

it is normal that we wil encounter a lot of challenges. so, instead of lamenting there, y don i pick up the times n try my best to do wat i can do?

sometimes it is not good that u completed everything earlier than others. this was what im facing now. it is good to procrastinate so that anything changes, the earlier efforts will not be wasted.

anyway, no point to keep complaining here.

MIchigan is my only choice to do 1+4.... though it is hectic, i believe that i manage to surmount this challenge^^

going against rule AGAIN

i stayed up late tonight again. im forced to do so as there are not much times left.
calculus mid term test is coming soon. and i gotta brush up my calculus and score well. since my major is actuarial science, must have an excellent mathematics background.
im still in undecided condition. i got no ideas what courses should i take for next semester. my initial plan is taking psycology, and it is a must-taken-subject in my list which i think i would be immutable to make any changes. however, today i changed my mind. no psycology in next semester, perhaps i would take it for next semester.
it dawned on me that many people are interested in psyco. besides me. it is beyond my expectations. and now seem like everyone besides me are taking psyco as well.
hmm,im going to make a big changes in my life. i wanna widen my networking. i wanna be the leader, i wanna learn to speak confidently in the public. these are my weak points and im going to surmount it.
im going to take speech class for next sem. im going to take the challenges!!
calculus mid-term, application deadline, application essay, SAT 2,TOEFL, ADP exam......... all are coming soon, and im still left behind.
GOSH~~~

sinyi is an angel^^

thanks god for leaving the RM10 in the name tag's plastic cover. with the trifling RM10, sookpeng n i survive tonight.


tonight is an amazing and incredible night. it is really incredible!! problems happen, challenges happen but miracles happen too. thanks god!!

after having 3 hrs sharing session with miss janice in PBX, as usual i went back to library to study. since i plan to go bac at 9pm.

however, problems happen!! i was shocked when i saw there was a crowd surrounding the building, which library is located. at first i tot there must be some activities going on. oblivious to the crowd, i headed to the lift.

out of the blue,there was a women guard, she stopped me from goin upstairs. i was stunned into immobility as she told me that there was a slight shaking in 1st floor juz now, and the whole building was cleared now, nobody was allowed to be in the building. wat?? shaking? earthquake? the 1st thing came to my mind was unbelieveable. come on, this is malaysia, which i thought would never have earthquake happened.

anyway,since i was not allowed to go to library to retrieve all my tasks. sookpeng n i decided to take our dinner since both of us took our 'lunner' earlier. we were starving at that juncture. but the worst things is,both of us left our purse in the library's locker. so,how??
well,miracles existed!! there was RM10 in sinyi's name tag's cover. such was a coincidence that i din bring along my student ID today,such was an coincidence sinyi din take back the RM10 in the cover,such was an coincidence sinyi lent her student ID to me. wow,thanks god. without wasting times,both of us completed our application essays while we were takin dinner in the vegetarian shop.

at 8.15pm, we were permitted to go upstairs. however,shit things happened!! the library was CLOSED!!!!!! gosh, what the hell??
fine, we don hav key neither the guards.

i was feeling somewhat uneasy as i din hav my belongings with me. sigh. yet, i din keep my books, i put it on the table in library and just left it there. what would the librarian going to do on my books and pencil case as well??

sookpeng's friend came to look for her to discuss sth,as such, i decided to stay back and accompanied her. i didnt feel like wanna go bac alone since all my stuffs were locked in the library. sad.

we took a break in starbuck and continued with our essay. i took a nap in cybercafe when sookpeng had the discussion with her friend. it was a nice moment as i gave myself a respite. and aunty chris was so nice to pick us up at 10pm( we missed the last shuttle bus back to CASA)

to deduce,tonight is incredible, myriad things happened around us. yeah,this was life. a human life, a college life, an amazing and unexpected life.

tomorrow, i will be going to taylors with baju kurung and without bag and books, so does sook peng. it muz b very funny,lol.

veer from ivy league to ive league STANDARD school

wei ling had made up her mind. wei ling is going to apply UIUC instead of the highly unreachable uni penn.
all of the sudden,i had made this choice. university of illinois is not a bad school, in fact, it is one of the top university in america,ranking 27??

anyway,i think illinois suits me more than uni of penn. but wat m i worried now is i x hope to form a cliche there, as wat sookpeng said, since quite a number of jpa scholars will b aiming to enter tat school.

i doesnt need to worry bout my personal statement,resume and the 5 essays!! now..i can more focus in SAT, calculus and english 101 as well..

going to complete all the criterions that illinois require by tonight.

fight on!!!

ugly side

people are ugly, people's mind are hard to guess, people's mind are hard to fathom.im struggling to read their mind n i think im doing well. but im not, im still the naive girl who thinks that everyone in this world are wonderful. sigh.

luckily, i have few good friends, who are really sincere to help me not being presententious. well,i trust them more than i trust myself n i hope i will not wrong this time.

life is like that. life is like a wrapped gift, life is mysterious, you will never know what is in it if u r daunted to approach n unwrap it. you need courageous to survive.

let take everything in this mind as a challenge. as an eye-opener to learn.. learn everything gradually.

towards a hopeful life^^

i was in a quandary should i keep drafting my personal statement o juz keep it aside and focus in SAT first. i got no ideas-.- (tired~~)

scholars -.-

i'v been fully used all the time today. waking up at 5am, taking breakfast, (i made my own breakfast today, simple + nice), doing 4 hours SAT test in the middle of the swimming pool,yet under the hot sun (there is a table there), fed up with the excruciating and unbearable hot sun, peng n i ended up doing the SAT test in the air-con provided study room. around 12pm, we went back to our units and took a respite, grab a bite for our lunch. i did take a short nap this noon, half an hour. 3pm,we went to the study room again. studying there,chatting there until 930pm. i finished taking my shower at 1030pm, n started to check my mail box(the mundane daily routine, expecting some special mail from some special person but still,ended up with despairing). well,blogging time now^^

feeling rather upset today,not because of academic stuffs but....others.

is it a sin for being a diligent student? lecturer might dislike you because of yr diligence,they are compelled to do more extra works? friends might abhor you, because of your diligence,they feel stressed and under duress when being with you?

i got no ideas. i juz wan a simple life,well, not a simple life actually, hmm, a simple relationship with other people but a wonderful life for own. how to describe a simple relationship?

yeah,i agree that im not so intimate with many friends,however,i befriend with many people. though we juz know each other superficially,we are still considered as friends. we need a lot of friends,friends in all walks of life.

well,not going to spend a lot of times in blogging today,i plan to complete my calculus revision tonight,perhaps complete my personal statement too.

hmm,i always have the thought that there are no 'bad' people in this world. everyone is juz so nice and friendly. everyone is generous and altruism. however,life is convoluted and things like these would never exist. (sob)

today,people tend to compete with each others. i acknowledge that im one of them but i think i'v been doing well recently since i keep telling myself the biggest and strongest adversary in this life is ME, myself. and i think i live happily now than the first day i came to taylors.

know wat, i thought that no one care bout my affairs. no one will ask and concern bout my things in taylors, especially in the respect of academic. today,it dawned on me that it's not. im in the spot light!should i be elated? sigh~~

people is asking bout my SAT marks. people will like to compare. like to compare the marks between diligent people and flippant people. they wanna to know how well did i do, did i improve. and mayb some of them will deride me behind my back. (im trying to suppress my mind to think negatively but it is in vain). i was disappointed and agonizing.

i tot people are concerning me,therefore they approach me n ask bout my marks. i tot they might like to give me some guidance how to study so that i can get improvement. mayb someone can give me some tips to study smart. i dunno.

sigh. yeah, they might b thinking that.. 'well,she studied so hard but her mark still haven't reached the cut off point; unlike us, i din study much, but ....bla bla bla..'

it is a truth, n people hav the right to say it, to air their opinions. i got no dicree to stymie them from doing so. but we are friends, in lieu of saying this disheartening statements, cant u all juz give me support?

im not smart enough,im aware of that. that is the reason i compel myself to study diligently. that's all. i doesn't meant to show off in front of you all that im hardworking and trying to beat you all. this is not my intention, n i don wan to.

mayb.. mayb she is right. SCHOLARS. because we are scholars, these things exist.

CHANGE

'for things to change, you must change first', this adage comes in my mind today. yeah,i recall mr.u2 kumar,the one who brings this adage to my life. i totally agree wif him,for things to change,either in the good side or mayb in the bad side,v r the one who should change first. we cant change others, either the world,the environment or even the people, but, v want a good life, we wanna live happily and comfortably, therefore, we need to CHANGE. the only things we can do is amending our perceptives,ettiques n etc..

something came in my mind today as i was taking my shower. ha,yeah,i tend to think a lot of things when i was in the bathroom,of course not during the time when doing business. mayb this is the natural behaviour of VIRGO, they used to think all the times, from a to z.and they tend to worry many things, consider as supernervous person and insanity person.ha.

go bac to the hot question that i kept discussing these few days. STUDY SMART. yeah,b4 that i perceive that diligence is the best policy.diligence can beat everything. if u r a diligent person,surely u will attain the maximum achievements. well, i gotta clarify here. this is a wrong notion, a totally erroneous sentiment. anyone who has this thought better get rid of it as soon as possible. this will only prompt you to suffer more and make you study under duress. this is what we call as STUDY HARD. study hard is only for obtuse people. come on, in the midst of this modern world,we should be smart and cerebral, dont do things that are no brainer.

this was what i had done in the past. i was aware that i was a slow learner, as such, in order to catch up and b the same pace as others, i kept telling myself to b diligent. people doing an assignment, i will do 2 to 3 assigments. i compelled myself to do more things than others so that i can learn more. now as i recall it, i feel that im really stupid. im not trying to say that doing more things and be hardworking is a sin. it is not a flaw either.

the point is.. if u juz kept pushing yrself to do the same things and din change o realise any mistakes, you are just wasting yr times. forcing yrself to do more things than others, cause wanna impress others that you r a diligent person? doing so is like killing yrself,maintaining yrself in the same level, stagnant.

STUDY SMART, the next rule is find out the mistakes that u had done b4, n try 2 solve it. approach the mistakes with different solutions. find out the techniques and skills to attack the questions in lieu of keep doing the same questions.

within these 2 weeks, i gotta make myself adapt to STUDY SMART. so that im well-prepared for the coming n sucking SAT test. ^^

1st day after skul reopen*-*

omg!! everyone is reminding me that SAT is coming soon,SAT is so near, SAT is just around the corner. and how's my preparation??

sigh~~

it's hard to explain my feeling now. the 1 who is desperated to enter the Ivy League University, doing 1+4, aiming to hit over 2100 marks in SAT, now has become so down and less-inspired in the SAT.

anyway, not going to discuss much about SAT today. i have a new ideas today. this idea delights me,perhaps is a long-term delighted idea^^

let retrospect to the day time of today. i spent a lot of times with my sweet buddy during this noon. v studied in the library. ehem, i think is chatting more than studying. (feeling remorseful now) well,to deduce,v had fun there. studying n chatting n sharing problems. lot of things to chat wif her.

yeah,i found out sth. that i was totally wrong. i was wrong in my study plan which i used to think that my study plan was the best, was viable. STUDY SMART. it's not hard to fathom this phrase but somewhat it's hard to implement it.

people are having fun in their college life,meanwhile, they excel in their studies too. nowadays,there r no more bookworms n nerd in this world. hmm,mayb i should say that there are few top students are nerds o bookworms. because most of them r smart. smart in using STUDY SMART in lieu of using STUDY HARD. well,i always consider myself as an unintelligent gal.

i come to realise that mayb i shouldn't choose the top university. why should i force myself to do sth beyond my capability? ( ntg is impossible, i shouldn't think like tat) sigh.. sounds ironic,right? im contradicting wif myself. sob.

anyway,the main point is... it is not a bad choice to enter an average university. there r a multifaceted of reasons to do so. people who has an averaged education like me, mayb will shine in the university n emerge to b the top, wow.. sounds enthralling,doesn't it? haaha. well,once u do well in the university,no doubt that there will b plenty of scholarships o accolades lining up and waiting for you.

so,wat is the solid reason prompt u to enter the top university? just because of the reputation? oh.come on...

wake up~~~~~~

2am again..

yeah,i wake up at 2am again. with no plan,no direction. got no ideas what to do next. i got no ideas why i wake up at this time. stressed?? or merely wake up for blogging?? haha..

coming back to Subang,i can feel the stressed exert on me again. under duress like the last week. it was no doubt that ipoh is the best, best place for me to take a delightful respite. no pollution, nice weather, warm bed and delicious food (the most important) ,lol.

in ipoh, i doesn't need to worry about food and how m i going to settle the dirt clothes, cause there is a washing machine ^^ . i can take bath anytime without worrying that i gotta 'squander' my times to wash the dirt clothes afterward. nice,right? better at subang here, everything gotta do on my own in this proliferation of technology. (sounds irony?)

ipoh rocks^^ . when i was at home,though i did spend most of the times to study instead of having a sweet and warm chat with my families, i enjoyed it. i enjoyed the studying process, the exam-preparation process. there was no stress in ipoh. no stress exert on me. what i need to do is just study like a sponge*-*, absorb everything, as much as i can.

here, though i haven stepped in the taylors, though the school officially haven opened, though i was just in CASA, i had felt the stressed. it is there. making me feel disgusted, ill-at-ease n somewhat somber.

myriad of stuffs r waiting for me. resume,personal statement,cv,SAT, SAT  2,TOEFL,ADP test n etc... things that will never ever finished by me,at least at this moment i can say like that..

well, gotta stick back to my personal statement. or stick back to my bed,haha..

frankly, i did detest the weather here.

GOING back to the subang

1 more day,nope.. it should be few more hours i will b tampering my computer in the CASA. dull and boring 'master-room'.
2 more weeks, 2 more weeks, i will sit for the big test,SAT.

im not dare to think what will my future be, im not dare to put high expectation anymore. just because im apprehensive. coward weiling.

Illinois? Pennsylvannia? ......there are multifaceted of universities for me to choose, but there are certain universities will choose me.

why am i pushing myself so hard? people find hard to understand me. actually i din expect anyone to understand me as well. i x think people will know wat is in my mind, why do i wan to do this and that. nobody can understand anyone 100%. so m i..

in these few days,i tried to implement the new method>> STUDY SMART. i wanna b a cerebral student. study hard n play hard. mayb it needs time for me to get used to this plan cause i actually juz managed to implement it for 2 days. tat's all.ha

well, wish me luck in the coming SAT. it's an uphill struggle to me, but it's ok to me. cause i wanna to strong. i learn to b strong and b a better person. encounter it. INFINITE THE VENTURE!!!

crying baby

i feel bad today.extremely bad.
it's raining now. i juz came bac from taylors. feeling very very tired,i shouldn't sit in front of my laptop n start blogging. i shouldn't waste my time now,but i do.. im supposed to rush to angel's house n complete the essay which should b handed in by tomorrow. im supposed to take my bath n mayb get a nap so that i can do everythings well later but i din.

instead of all these,im sitting here n blogging. i just wan a short break. a short break which can recharge my energy. give me a little bit of time to emo.

i wanna cry. i hope i can cry like a baby today. without a care of this world. but i don wanna expose my crying to the people around me. i don wan their sympathy. the temporary-insincere-deliberate compassions. i don wan them to worry about me. but i hope i can CRY..

i know that life is full of challenges. this world is competitive. life is full of obstacles. people are selfish and kiashu. i know that life will not b as smooth as v expect. i know that i need to b strong. i know, i reali know.. but,say is better than do.

at the time i made up my decision to study acturial science, my mum tried to discourage me. knowing that this is a tough course,she kept advising me to consider carefully. however, my obstinancy had set my mind there. i decided to choose this course though i know it's hard. cause i wanna try. i wannna challenge it.

cause i know that in life, challenges is the path that we cant avoid to cross if we wanna attain the maximum achievements. well, it is just a starting point now but i have become so down, so desperate. i don even started my actuarial science.. now is just the basic knowledge.. sigh..

knowing that my foundation is not that good as others,i always push myself to study more than others,to be more diligent than others. cause i know my weakness.

however,god is cruel sometime. no matter how many efforts u hav put it,it still remain the same. back to the square.. mayb i was born to b there. i was set to b there..

back**

staying bac at library until 9pm again. well,it is incomprehensible that i din feel really tired during the hour in the library at night. it is just nice for me to drill my SAT there. any yeah, i like it. i like the time when i do SAT, i can totally concentrate. so that i can know my score well,regardless the factor of being fatigue.
since i had been no time to update my blog for these few days,let me show off for a while.

sth great happen tis few days.excellent things happen around,n i think i'v changed. first of all,im delighted to say that i manage to score 13.5 marks under the stringent miss mary english lecturer. it is reali vr vr hard to score even 0.5 marks from her. therefore,i was so elated as i got the paper. i din expect my descriptive essay can hit that scores.

but somehow,the feeling of being a writer in future grows deeper in my heart. it's fun and enjoyed to expose everything by words. with the immacable of english, smooth flow of sentences, perfect connections, impressive vocab....it's just nice,n i reali enjoy it though i know that my english is not up to the mark yet. but nvm,it will not put a damper on my plan.

i will, i will try to improve my english. brush up my english,until my english is up to the mark.. n i can expose my feelings spontaneously with the nice flow and impressed english.

i went to a church party, well, sort of church party. i met aunty CHRIS there. she is a nice woman. a philanthrophy woman. thank her, i feel much more relieved after i pour out all my problems.

the core part of my life within this few days.. i attended the upenn talk. wow,amazing, awesome. upenn is a grrrreat university,i like the style of the building, the atmosphere there. when i watch the video about the graduation day of upenn there,i almost cry out. i admit that im a person who is full of feelings. though im not at usa,not at upenn,but..i can get the elation and xxx(i 4got what is the word that i should use here, cause my housemate suddenly storm in the room and interrupt me,haha). anyway,i reali love the style there.

but upenn..it's an ivy league university. do u think im able to get in?? im not dare to think of it. im still in ambivalence now. fickle-minded, got no ideas what to do. but i know that im half giving up edi,mayb in SAT.. well,i think god will arrange my path to me,so just keep my fingers crossed for it.. who knows what might happen next.

'finite to failures,but infinite to venture'....how can i finite the failures?? i even wan to stop it from appearing in my life,but to no avail.. yeah, how can i finite it? if i cant finite it, den how am i going to the infinity of ventures??

time in library.**.

3rd SAT test

today i sat for the 3rd SAT practice test. SAT.. it just sounds nice to me, but SAT test vexs me much.
feeling helpless this morning,especially after the test. im looking for someone to share my feeling,but alas,though i was in the midst of crowd, there r no one in the sight who i can approach to.
tat moment, i felt i was a total washout. am i a nurd?? studying,studying,everyday studying without networking..
but today the question that i cant even find 1 to share my unhappiness is that i dare not to approach them. everyone look nice n relieved after the SAT. seem like they hav the glimpse to score well,yeah,they really do.

no one know me better than i. i know where m i now,i know where is my position. im still far bhind.. vr far.
as such,sometime u guys cannot blame me for invariably i will hide myself in the amidst of books.cause i know wat i wan.it doesnt mean that im an aloof,trying to alienate others. just that,i put the studies as the highest n irreplacable rank in my heart.i know that had i not been studying diligently within this 'shortened' month, i will not feel remorseful in the future.

on the other hand,i reali hope to hang out with u all,hav fun wif u all.but..... (sigh,i juz don't know how) . i tot im good in management, like managing time, managing my life,managing my studies.
but,im wrong. totally WRONG!!

by hook or by crook,i still gotta push on.. there are no other choices for me..

new record

wow.. it is 4am now.. i juz finished writing my essay..

tired.. but feel statiesfied.. i enjoy writing essay but with condition no under pressure..

the 2nd day i slept late.. yesterday 3am, today 4am.. a panda bear will exist in ADP tmr..

i wonder can i befriend with TIME? so that it can remind me when it elapses.. not just elapses quietly and surreptiously..

if i could befriend with TIME, i would like it to slow down its pace.. so that i can keep my pace as fast as its..

if i could befriend with TIME, i would like it to stop and rest for a moment, mayb an hour nap? .. spare me some extra time for entertainment n rest...

if i could befriend with TIME, i would ask it," y r u keep rushing? " .. life is not a rush, life shouldn't b a rush..

instead, we should enjoy it..ENJOY the life.. ENJOY the time..passing..

well,TIME .. mr.TIME, y don we take a break now? just a short break... i wanna rest....

listlessness

another lethargic day.. and it is 1200am.. 1 day ended..

oops,from now on, it is exactly 1 month left to SAT..

how's my preparation?? i got no ideas.. sigh.. myriads of assignments from ADP had taken over my times that was supposed to be devoted to SAT..

what to do? there are 24 hours a day.. only 24 hours.. even if i do not sleep, there are still a plenty of stuffs queuing and waiting for me..

okay.. STUFFS, im coming...... NOW..

**well, the 2nd time i went to sunway pyramind since i had been here for about a month.. thank you,huibin^^.. **

**feel extremely good after i had a chat with lem.. he is the only one can soothe me now, in the progress of getting ready for SAT.. thanks^^.. **

hectic day!!!

today is a hectic day.. well,to me,every day in tayors are a hectic day.. fraught with myriads of stuffs,assignments,quizs,essays,personal statement,SAT vocab,SAT critical reading n etc..

it's countles.. infinity...

today i'v spent plenty of my precious time to revise vocab.. VOCAB... sigh...

sundry of things for me to do.. in pursuit of getting enrolment in uni of penn,i gotta devise a demonic study plan.. i think i can consider myself as a SAT martyr, sacrificing my sleeping hours to do all the revisions..

1 month left.. i start to intimidate.. daunting triumph over my will power.. and i feel stupefied.. got no ideas what should i do next...

yeah,i make my decision on my own volition; applying uni of penn.. however....i feel that it is a flaw... is it??

anyway, gotta go back to my books n study again.. non-stop studying life..

** thanks for munhan for treating me such a delicious lunch today.. luckily im not a glutton, if not i bet you will get broke.. it is undeniable that you are a connoisseur.. in the sense of eating.. lol.. 1 station is a famous shop,it is beyond the dispute.. but i don think it is my cup of tea.. i prefer home-made food.. lol.. **

----i accidentally stepped on a piece of glass few days ago, sustain a lesion on my foot.. it's still pain now.. sob..---

---to be candor,i would like to exhume my feeling to someone who is empathy, but.... i just dunno who can i refer to... don wish to interrupt them.. --- 

18- birthday

7 of Sept..my birthday..

time elapse damn fast.. ballistic.. just a twinkling of an eye, i have turned to 18 now.. as people grow older, they will get more troubles to worry about..

but it is nice to grow older.. reminise to my past, i used to daydream how m i going to be when i was 20.. 30.. 40.. imagination is not realistic,it is dramatic.. nevertheless,i like it..

well,18 now.. nigh approaching 20.. im in taylor now,studying there.. and aiming to enrol in my dream uni of penn..

actually it is not really my dying-dream uni.. to me,as long as i got the chance to study abroad, it is considered as much more enough for me.. i din really expect tat i will hav the chance to get into this kind of high std uni..

mayb i shouldn't say tat i have the chance since i haven taken my SAT.. hmm,mayb i should say, i manage to get the trial.. yeah,i think trial sounds better.. the outcome of trial will not be as serious as the outcome of chances.. right? ha..

thank lot to all my collegeus.. i feel somewhat guilty actually.. i reali din expect much from them.. especially my housemate,sinyi^^.. i feel tat i start to grow LOVE on her.. though v r sharing n fighting for the same husband.. ehem,this LOVE is translated as friendship's love.. she is just tat nice..

normally i will rather squander and devote all my times to my books instead of spending my precious times to my collegues.. yeah, they are friendly,funny n nice.. mayb im aloof.. bookworm?? i detest people call me as bookworm,yet i don think i am.. right?

a person who are quite (considered) active in sport shouldn't be put in the list of bookworm,don u all agree? ha..

yeah,better don digress to other topic first.. let finish the main idea tat i would like express tonight.. a sweet n warm night.. (lethargic too=.=) hmm,i din expect they to sacrifice their studies hour, n sleeping hours just to celebrate my birthday.. u guys are so sweet n nice... thank you very much..

to me,birthday is just as normal.. an ubiquitous day.. it is not much different.. tat's y every year i din expect much on my birthday.. in the meantime, i din give people much expectation on their birthday.. sounds bad,right?

'aiyo,come here oso bring along the vocab. you should socialise more,weiling!' .. one of them told me tat..

mayb it is time for me to amend my perceptives.. but.....it will b an uphill struggle for me.. cause...... i have an adversary if i do this... tat is ME, myself.... 

tired but NO sleep

35 or 34 more days left for SAT..
i feel very tired.. very very tired.. there were a frequent moments that i reali hope to relinquish and stand straight a white flag to SAT.. Im afraid i will abandon at the last minute.. tis is certainly not a good idea to announce tat i wanna give up now..
but.... how can i sustain this life? till 10 of oct? possible?? i got no ideas..
english is not an easy subject to learn.. yet,it is not easy to get improvement on this subject.. sigh..
linguistic.. yeah,i love english.. i love the convoluted,compelling and impressive sentences..
i will easily get enthralled by those sentences and passages..
well,interested and absorbed is not analogous..
SAT..SAT..

how many days LEFT?

still got how many days left? i got no ideas,don even dare to think about it.
no doubt tat my mind is capacious; i can memorize analgam of vocabulary. but im in the dilemma to really remember the vocab, i merely can recognize the vocab.
in lieu of this,there are copious stuffs still waiting for me to complete.
uni of penn...am i aimin too high? i really wonder...
i need to score well in SAT,TOEFL and CGPA must be high enough.
i wanna IMPROVE. i wanna IMPROVE in all aspects. but,can i?
do i have adequate stamina to do so??

impossibilities??

39 days left..  nigh 39 days..
i wonder why people who hav a good capacity to sit for SAT choose not to take it but for those who r struggling to get the good scores choose to take this stump..

is it worth??

am i able to acme the high scores in SAT?

someone told me o should weigh my capacity and set the goals according to my capacity.. i must keep my pace, cant overlap..

should i?

someone told me dont be coward to set impossibilities in the life..

i was in a quandary.. i dunno wat to do, wat to choose..

call me coward,pls.. im afraid to face failure.. i detest WASHOUT exist in my lexicon..

but somehow,i gotta encounter the realistic..

it brings me a melancholy today.. after taking a glimpse of some of the blogs,which is written by my colleagues..

ppl hav fun in taylors.. which make me envy lot.. cause i din spend much times hanging around with my colleagues..

ppl who can write well,hav a good proficiency of english din choose to sit for the SAT earlier..

why am i making myself suffered?? am i an idiot in making a good decision?? i doubt....

40 days left..

incomprehensible,i feel extremely lethargic today,feel listless and somewhat empty..
im at my home now,which initially i think it would b a good and super-comfortable place for me to study SAT.. alas,it is not.. staring at the long passages filled with super-bombastic words,my mind goes blank.. my mind seem like cant absorb anything.. why?? there is not much time left.. 40 more days.. i got no ideas whether im able to do it.. i doubt my capacity.. SAT.. uni of Penn.. am i aiming too high?? i wonder..

people who have a good proficiency of english, who manage to ecplise me in SAT, who score above 1800 in the first trial SAT test, choose not to take SAT that early as me.. but me, the one who does not have english as her mother-tongue,who cant say a proper english, who encounter a lot of problems and struggle to score even nigh 1800 marks in SAT is undaunted to choose to sit for the SAT in 10 of october.. should i give up everything and keep to my pace?

why am i making my life suffer? why don't i make my life happy and simple? why do i choose to compete with those super genious, cerebral type..

there were a frequent occasion i had a though to give myself a break.. but im not dare..

bed is just beside me but it seems so far to me.. i dare not to sit or go near the bed,i cant let myself sleep too much because....there are something more important for me to do.. SAT is waiting for me there.. SAT SAT SAT....

it dawn on me that in due of SAT, i had sacrificed a lot of sleeping-periods, not only that.. i didn't
enjoy the college life, i didn't enjoy the time being with all my colleagues.. i missed a lot of times being with them.. i feel like im isolated.. am i?? am i a nerd? a bookworm??

how's it if i cant manage to score above 2100 in SAT? how's it if i cant manage to enter uni of PEnn or even any ivy league uni? i cant imagine that moment....

owl.. i was an owl now.. when people are enjoying their dream and sleeping nicely, i study.. in the apartment in CASA.. alone,in the room with my super-nice roommate who is studying in the living room..........

time elapse.. and now im wasting my precious time to blogging....